ephemeral dreams

I noticed that the dreams have changed in these past several years. When I was younger—my adolescent years—I used to have a lot of painfully breathtaking dreams in various kinds: romantic, frightening, adventurous, fantastical, or even erotic. Not that I now don’t have any of those kind of dreams, but the dreams I’ve had nowadays seem a lot less epic—they didn’t make impressions. I used to have dreams that had a very good story and exciting plot—the ones that were so vivid and everytime I woke up from it, the scenes burned in the back of head.

I once had this dream in which I was running down the road of my neighbourhood in the middle of the night, getting away from a pack of foul creatures. These creatures were so frightening I felt so helpless. But when I was about to give up running, the scenery before me turned in to a magnificent view. The sky above the road I was running to was vast, deep, and clear. All and all I forget about the boring foul creatures or how the night felt thickly dark and cold. All that mattered was the sky before me looked crystal and the stars were shimmering at their brightest state. It was calming and frightening at the same time. The next moment, an object—extraterrestrial one—was heading towards me. As it got bigger to my sight, the object became clearer. To my surprise, it was a planet, getting closer to me like it was about to hit me but it did not. It flew past me just above my head. Then the other planets did the same thing—one after another: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. The look of those titanic objects hover before my eyes felt so surreal and scary—not that I-wanted-t0-get-away-from-it kind, but the so-divine-it-made-my-heart-falter kind. It was a divine dream. After all these years I could never forget those scenes in my head.

I love reading or watching fictions, or even imagining ones. That habit is I believe one of the things that keep the fantasy world inside my head flourished. But things got a lot more complicated when I entered my adult years and got into college. Since then my brain seemed to be working on the “reality” mode more often. Nowadays my mind seems so cloudy and under oppression. I find a lot more difficulties to enter my calm and blissful-mind state than before. Only in such state my fantastical imagination works at its best. But I hardly have the luxury of it anymore. The kind of dream I mentioned above is the one I hardly get these days. My dreams now feel plain, forgettable, insensible, and often meaningless. I don’t quite understand how dreams work, what they mean, or where they come from. Even science has yet had an explanation to it. But one thing I’m certain is that I’m missing the vividly colossal dreams I used to be getting so easily. Sadly all I have now is mere flashes of ephemeral dreams.